The week after her stay at the hospital, she was reacting to the food fine. And for the past week when I wasn't working, I continued to accompany and watch her as she feeds to keep her motivated. But just two days before I return to work, she stopped again.
The second day she stopped eating, I hand-fed her. She didn't react to the food despite having food dapped onto her mouth, just like the week before. After a few attempts, she got irritated and spit out the food. Not surprising, since that's exactly what she did previously.
So I thought it'd be good to let her mood settle, and went on to syringe-feeding the same night. Started her off with half a syringe for the two feeds on the first day (yesterday). And she's been ignoring me since then. She doesn't curl up against me when I sit in front of the TV, and she doesn't greet me like she always did. It hurt me a bit, but I knew it was normal, and I had to do it for her well-being.
And because I had to work today, I fed her a single full syringe at night when I got home. She fidgets, she yells, she struggles and protests her reluctance with all means possible. As she had her post-meal drink from her favorite cup, she didn't make a sound, but... I saw a quiet tear in her eye.
It totally broke me.
I wish I never had to do this.
I wish she'd start eating on her own.
I wish I have the strength to keep going on.
But I really wonder if she'll ever get better at all...
And all I can do is pray and hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment