i came across these amusing lines which certainly brightened up my dull afternoon at work
i.e. apart from the Sydney power outage. bla.
humorous Wedding Speeches
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - First, I'd like to inform you that my bride has vetted this speech, so if you consider any of the material inappropriate, it's her fault.
This is a very important day for me – second only to my stag night – so I’m sure you’ll understand if I seem a little nervous. After all, it’s only natural, marriage is a pretty big step … and these days you have to be careful what you step into.
I would like to thank Linda's parents for everything they have done and for welcoming me so openly into their family. Although I was a bit worried at first. When I asked Alan for Linda’s hand in marriage he told me to leave my name and number and said he’d call me if nothing better turned up.
I feel very fortunate to be marrying Linda and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity of giving her everything she deserved … beautiful flowers and a wonderful white wedding car, so I hope you’ve all enjoyed the day as much as my credit card company has.
Thanking the Parents
This seems to me to be an appropriate moment to thank my mother and father for being such splendid parents to me. I only hope that Linda and I make as good a job of our married life as they have of theirs. And that all our children are as perfect as I am.
And now onto my parents. I’d like to congratulate you on raising such an excellent, handsome and over performing son, without whom this day wouldn’t be possible.
Thanking the Best man
Finally, I need to thank my best man. Every bridegroom needs a best man he can totally rely on, somebody organised, who can take charge and make the day run smoothly – a person who is very serious and responsible. But what do you do if you don’t know anybody like that? Well, in my case I picked Jason.
I’d like to thank Jason, my best man, who's been a great friend for a long time. Depending on how incriminating his speech is, we might even stay friends.
or, worse still,
Jason and I go way back, and he’s always been there for me. I remember when I lost my job, Jason was there. When I broke my arm, Jason was there. And when I crashed my one-and-only car, Jason was there. In fact, come to think about it, Jason - you're a jinx!
and this, is strictly to be kept from the Groom's eyes
Now that I am married, I have some catching up do in domestic matters. I must learn how to paint a house, mow a lawn, dig a garden, but I am sure that after a year or two of watching how Linda does these things, I’ll get the idea.